Out of all the months in my life September always offers something good and something bad. Every year it has its intoxicating high, and it's diabolical low. The best things to happen in September in recent years include, Steady, Chantell, and CJ's birthdays every year. I love these people and always make sure I go out of my way to wish them a special day, and give them some words of wisdom. The most important of all the September highs are a) My uncle Duck got married in this month 2 years ago, and b) I started my physical in person relationship with Heather.
I love my girlfriend, I really do, and would give the world for her, she has my heart and I'm her armor. Tied in to the highs are usually lows. A few big ones are: Broke up with my then girlfriend Chantell of 4 years, it hurt but time heals all wounds and in hindsight it was probably the best thing for both of us. So its not really a bad thing I guess. This month though...
Kitten has been gone for the duration of the month. I missed CJ's birthday due to my Lil trip to Ontario (Told below this entry) Chantell's birthday is also conveniently the same day as me and Kitten's anniversary, which we were apart for. That hurt like hell, but that's life. I took it like a man, and have no quarrels with the hands that fate deals me. I made an email for Steady's birthday (a day late) other than that.
I miss my girlfriend more than I can remember missing anyone. She's getting sicker, I'm getting worried. She's always tired and in pain. I want to take it all in and away from her. I would suffer to take it from her body into mine. Physical pain is nothing when compared to the mental scars that can occur in the name of love. This woman is on the same plateau as my mother. One gave me life, and the other gives me a reason to live that life.
When she cries, my seasoned, battle hardened heart breaks. When people cause her pain, I want to use all my strength to smash through them, and destroy them without the understanding. When she's happy and laughing, I always hope I'm the reason she feels that way, and to make her feel good in any and every way is my greatest point of pride. I truly believe she is beautiful in every way. Super intelligent, understands me better than most, deep. My perfect companion, she is everything I'm not but wish I was. Inner strength? No one even compares to this woman.
No one.
Since she is not with me in a physical sense, I have noticed how empty my free time really is, so instead of sitting here and wallowing in self pity, I do what I always do when I'm alone and feeling full of sorrow.
Art.
My guitar and pencils have come to life in ways I haven't seen since I was in high school. My solo project still has life in it, and I'm feeling it in a new way. Direction, passion, a reason to sing and play strings without thinking. True divine artistic presence. Millions of visuals, few drawn. Poetry spoken from the tongue of a heretic, but written like it was words of a god. I'm slowly combining all these mediums into one collaboration named, Black Orpheus
MMA is on the back burner. I still train and take my health and body very seriously, but I have let my mind wander and become dull, and for that I beg for its forgiveness, and ask it to open its doors to the chambers of my artistic visions that were locked away. There was a time when I thought the wonderful woman I love was the death of the artist in me. Now I see through much pain and torment, that she comforts the artist in me, and is inspiration.
The reason I'm the best version of me, is not only because I'm mentally sharp and my will is strong. Its because she is my support. She makes me want to be that man way up there on the plateau higher than the rest, better than the rest. I strive to attain that place everyday. I need to learn to cater to all of my callings in life, be it fighting, art, music, video games, or love. Balance is the key to a healthy life. To let one take over the other is to lose sense of yourself. September, I'm happy to see you leave again for the year, although it was a miserable month. It also restored me to the man I was once, and to the potential man I will become in the future.
September.
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